i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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