i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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