Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
