Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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