are you still at the devil's house?
The best revenge is premature balding
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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