Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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