Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize