She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
