i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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