well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
