You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
