It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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