Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
