8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the raccoons are back...
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