How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
