i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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