I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
