i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We need a shit load of segways right now
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
