duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
