I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize