mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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