Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
