guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize