lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
