I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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