whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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