I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
