The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
