i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
