Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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