Can i not drive my cunt home
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
