I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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