i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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