you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize