moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
