i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
