if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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