I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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