If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
