Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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