and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize