When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
