At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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