one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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