Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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