and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
