make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
