dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
