cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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