i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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