I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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