Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
