we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
