Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
