If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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