Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
