i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
