a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
