too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Pants are for mortals
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
