Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
