...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
