dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
