I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
