There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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