I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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