what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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