WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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