you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
