if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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