My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
PANTIES FOUND
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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