I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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