Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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