my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
