he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
