ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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