Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
